Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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