There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
