i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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