I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
