She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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