i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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