too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My vagina is officially offended.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize