I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is my gift to your gina
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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