i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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