I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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