I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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