11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
