you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
