I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
