why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
