your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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