let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
