My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
