We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
