she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
