After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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