Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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