im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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