I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
