I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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