I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
