I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
