If i come over, it means nothing
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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