it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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