You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
