He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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