all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
