dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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