I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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