We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
