Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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