fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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