I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
