I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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