I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
