she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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