Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
