I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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