Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
