I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
