I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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