Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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