I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
