I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
