so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
