with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
