Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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