It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
