D3 body, D1 cock
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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