His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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