Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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