i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize