I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
