bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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