my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
