so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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